I am going to post even if it is bad.

I’ve started a new assignment. It’s been fun, but stressful. The moments I feel myself are rarer and rarer these days. It wanes with stress. I don’t know what to make of that. I don’t know how to become more that. That which I am. It’s always confused me, this idea of being yourself, of becoming what one is. We are not static objects, we’re not even static at any one point. How could we ever become ourselves? How can I ever be anything else?

I’ve signed up for university. It’s something I care about immensely. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve done something that felt monumental to me. Other things I’ve slipped into, it was easy. Moving, traveling, there was always someone who dragged me along. That wasn’t all that different here - what makes this different is that this feels really important to me. Really consequential. Like standing at the edge of a cliff.

And that is frightening. And that is exhilarating…

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